Ideas

So, I am sitting here in the office, and it is 6:38 AM. Been here for an hour or so. Good times! I think I have become like my father in this respect.
Dear readers, I come to you today with a question. A very important question. One that will pique your interest and challenge your faculties. A question that provokes such deep consideration that some will not even bother to approach it as they have to go to work and cannot spend hours on unpaid matters such as these. This question, it is a good one, has been asked before by many others before me. By men and women whose lot in life is a good one. Wrapping your mind around this interrogatory may cause injury, thus I disclaim any and all injuries and/or disabilities arising from or occurring in the course of giving the matter its due consideration.
What is your favorite movie quote?

Solipsism

I saw this word, solipsism, on a shirt the other day, and I did not have the foggiest idea what it meant. Now I do, and when you look it up you will to; alternatively, you may be able to derive its meaning from what will follow, but I won't hold my breath.
A passage from an ancient journal states, "...the thing is to find a truth which is true for me, to find the idea for which I can live and die." I sit here thinking where does this writer want me to go. Is he urging me to seek a truth for me? Or, is he seeking the the answer to a truth about mankind? Is there anything, other than family and country, for which I would die? If I have within me that truth already, how do I know for sure it is that one truth that, above all others, encompasses who I really am? There are so many questions that lead up to finding the real answer, I don't know if a person can ever really find the solution. Each question leads to another answer, and, maybe, a brutal realization about yourself.
This quotation clearly is part of an existential philosophy put into part of a sentence. Or, is it the barest definition of existentialism, i.e. the essence of the question is asked by every man, woman, and child on this earth. Who am I? What am I here for? The search for this truth, whatever the truth may be, all has to start with the basics about our carbon-based lives. Is this search what being a man or woman on this earth is really all about? Living one' s life always looking, always searching for an answer that fits the question. I do not think that anyone ever really knows. We are all here for a reason, but in this context the question becomes is there a reason I am here.
I am not speaking of the biological reason, I am speaking of the basis for those decisions a person makes that leads to a certain role in society as we individually know it. On those grounds, to find the truth about myself is a much more difficult question.
Is there a truth you personally know that makes your throat tight and your heart pound in your chest? Loving your kids, parents, family or friends cannot be the truth that anyone is really seeking. Those things are part of the foundation or platform from which a person casts about for that element of truth that they would live or die for. Love of God and fellow man. Love of country. Or is the truth some ideal for which a person stands? As I said in another post, who we become is our gift to God. Maybe that is the truth of which Kierkegaard spoke: if you live your life to its fullest potential that truth will find you.
More troubling is another tangent: does this truth change with age and environment? Does the truth change with a man's nature? I have always thought that a man prays in an attempt to change his own nature, not to influence God. Through prayer, can you effect the change you need in order to bring about the influences you want to find? If you can, what on earth do you ask for? Wisdom to make the right decisions? Strength to bear the burdens with which you have been loaded? Courage to face that which you fear? I think that the search for truth may also be a combination of all those assets a man or woman wishes he or she had, should they be lacking. The attributions of the Lion, the Tin Man, and the Scarecrow after they met the Great Oz wrapped up with a nice little bow.
Whatever the truth you are seeking turns out to be, I think that you will know when y0u find it. I don't know if bells will ring in your head, but you may feel truly happy with the trip to find that which you have been seeking. Some may never want to know what their truth is, content to stumble through life looking for the next resting area. This I know: for each person, it has to be different. Your children will have their own truth, and you may never know what it is not even in your dreams. You can lead, but will they follow? You can inspire a certain belief, but there is no way to force a child to hold something you believe to be true as his or her own. The truth, I am convinced, is different for all of us. Kierkegaard never says what his truth is, and maybe that is just it. He may be saying search out for yourself that which inspires you, that which leads you to live life to the fullest potential, that for which you would live and die.
Mine is out there somewhere. Waiting for me to throw a rope around its neck, drag it down, and tie it off so I can take my fill and be happy.
Though gem: definition of solipsism: My mind is the only thing that I know exists...

Miracles

An old proverb says that the miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. Does it ring true? We were not given wings nor gills, we were given two legs to stand on and with which to walk this earth. Given my proclivities, it goes without saying that some of my fondest memories are the places where I have walked.
Not surprisingly, the places are not the big city, of which I have been to a few. Rather, it is those out-of-the-way places in the mountains that I can see perfectly in my mind's eye. The middle fork of the Kings River, south slope of the Lone Cone, the Little Fork of the Kern, Jenny Lakes Wilderness, Spanish Lakes and the Garlic Meadows, to name a few. Undoubtedly, a man could see so much more soaring on high, but that we would miss not using the legs God gave us has to greatly outweigh the view from above.
One resolution I have made this year is to get up to the High Lonesome more. To see, in some cases again, those places that very few in their lifetimes are fortunate enough to see. There is a place on the Kings River called Paradise Valley I walked through once and have wanted for years to return. (Check it out at: http://kevingong.com/Hiking/ParadiseValley.html) That is one goal I am setting for this summer.
I want those over whom I still have some influence to know the wild places, those places that man has not tried to "improve." I know that life does not go backward or tarry with yesterday, but in some way the lifestyle of yesterday is what is missing in life as we all know it. Perhaps the slow passage of time on the mount may show just what the good life is or is meant to be. But, this pursuit must be balanced with the knowledge that there is no distance on this earth as far away as yesterday.
Thought gem: angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk.

Improving my Standing

I am right at this moment sitting in the cabin in Arroyo Grande staring out at the ocean. The sun is out, and the weather is clear. The neighborhood is quiet. Through an open window a light breeze of warm ocean air rattles the window blinds every once in a while. With the exception of the wind chimes, there is no sound...
A holiday standing alone is not worth much. Short of the particular observation and/or the roots or reasons behind the day, it always feels at one time or other like just another day. For what are not so obvious reasons, the first day of the year has always been one that is spoken of with some reverence. I like to think that unlike Christmas or Easter, this holiday can be fashioned into whatever you want it to be celebration wise. Is it with foresight or hindsight that a person appreciates this day? Intransitively speaking, do you think about the shots you are going to make or the bullets you dodged on this holiday? I guess it would depend on what type of person you are, half-empty or half-full speaking.
Some of us draft resolutions intended to curb some conduct to come or improve their standing. Lose weight. Eat right. Go to church more. An optimist will choose resolution over reflection every day of the week and twice on Sunday. A pessimist, on the other hand, always seems to ponder those days that could not have possibly gone any more wrong. Do you, dear reader, find opportunity in every difficulty? Or are you cursed with never being disappointed.
My resolutions were drafted recently, but not put into play until today. Unfortunately, in my case, procrastination is the bane of optimism. Let us just say that I have grand designs. Furthermore, knowing that hypocrisy is the payment vice makes to virtue, I hope that everyone who reads this makes some change for the better in their life. I would love to see everyone improve their standing.
Thought gem: There is no such thing as bad publicity, except your own obituary. (Behan)

Integrity

Yesterday, I heard a reel-to-reel tape converted to mp3 of the night my grandfather was elected to a justice court judgeship. The recording is some 13 minutes long and starts off with some telephone calls from what I imagine were the local gentry.
Listening to him field those calls made my mind wander imagining what he must have gone through to put up such a campaign. Granted, it is a small community in which he lived, i.e. Dinuba, California, nevertheless, campaign he did. In one part of the recording he tells someone whom I believe to be his sister that he has campaign voice. That was the morning after the election and she was calling to congratulate him on his win. I believe that he presented himself to be a man of principle and that is what carried the day.
In his voice you can hear the tone of a steady man. Appreciative and gracious, but steady in his words and confident in his actions. That is saying a lot when you think that this attribution is based on 13 minutes of tape. Of course, it is based on so much more. 37 years of information to draw on.
Every person I have ever known held him in the highest regard, speaking fondly of his memory. There never seemed to be to much emphasis placed on any one characteristic, so I would say that a man of integrity was speaking that night. I do not think that anyone could deny that a person of principle was fielding calls, and when a person like that speaks you are drawn to what you hear.
Are people born with integrity? I don't think that it is an innate feature bred into us. It has to come from the environment. Can such a characteristic be distilled into our children? I hope so, but the question remains: is how I am raising my children instilling into them the desire to be a person of integrity? Only time will tell whether my making them stand up for themselves and each other and the principles they believe in will be enough. There is more to it than that, no doubt. But what is the core subject matter to which they must be exposed? This has to very from person to person and family to family. I do know one thing, however, it must be taught by immersion. There can never be another option: do what is right even when nobody is looking.
Integrity is something that will be or should be important to every man, woman, and child. Without it there cannot be trust to act as promised or expected after a time. I think that confidence in oneself and others is integral. Who is watching me should never be considered. When you meet people like this, people who display such a quality, hold on to them tight. They seem to be in rare supply these days.
Thought of the day is off topic: Have you ever seen a statue of a critic.
dp

Being an Artist

My good friend, Forrest Earl Cooper III, says the word artist as if the word has two "ee" instead of an "i" in it, pronouncing it "arteest." I have always thought of that word when I see someone whose art, whatever the medium, that I find to be truly questionable value wise. Without a doubt, beauty is in the eye of the beholder: art can be found in whatever the artist or viewer decides. I have never understood how some things can be called art, i.e. a painting splattered with blood or a disemboweled animal in a large jar of formaldehyde which strikes a chord through shock or some similar response as opposed to appreciation and inspiration.
I have always appreciated paintings. I buy them regularly on ebay - just won one today matter of fact. It seems appropriate that term art should have some connotation attached to it that the viewer would want to emulate or be able to recreate that at which he or she is looking, feeling, or hearing. Such a producer is worthy of the term artist, without the country twist of adding the "ee" sound to the word.
I guess that there are all kinds out there who have similar desires and feelings, dark or light as they may be. There is a metal band whose lead singer is a pit bull, Caninus; to me a waste of time, to others music. I have absolutely no grasp of how this can be music to someone's ears. Perhaps it is the just the music, but the dog barking? I hear that every night coming from my neighbor's back yard. Funny, I don't seem to want to open the windows and/or back door to bang my head to the "music" coming from that barking beast. I have also heard that there is a band who uses a parrot as the lead singer. You'll have to search the internet for more information on that one.
I guess the long and the short of it would be to say that the artist should always be allowed to exercise that art that he knows best. Maybe the band with the dog as a lead singer grew up watching Eukenuba Dog Show and became fascinated with the animals. I simply pound my fist on the wall when my dog starts barking and his Pavlovian response is to see if that means food. It doesn't mean food, but it also serves to stop the barking.
I would encourage everyone to expand their mind and try to see the "art" from the "arteest's" point of view. What did this person experience that caused him/her to create such a writing, painting, drawing, or fashion such a piece? If you were to close your eyes right now and think about it, you could probably see yourself doing something artistic. Jotting a few lines of a poem, writing a verse of a song, drawing some crude pictures, cracking open an old paint kit and slapping down some colors. I have found that such endeavors move the mind to another place and time. If you can free yourself from the distractions of the present you can focus on the art that you are aiming to create.
I, for those of you who don't know me, am a notorious half-painter. I have at least five canvases covered about half way with paint. I interrupt myself with observations that there is probably something better that I should be doing with my time and I wash my brushes and put the damn thing away. But as I reflect on this aspect of my life, there probably isn't. Why can't I take a couple of hours and focus on something that brings me some modicum of happiness? I don't believe that the world will stop if I paint for a while. It is a sort of meditation for me as there are only the colors to mix, the trees and mountains to fill in (I only paint landscapes), and the textures to complete. Nothing more, nothing less. I should have to exercise both sides of my brain. At times, I think that the left side may be undergoing atrophy to some extent due to the lack of exercise in this respect.
I guess where I am going with this is that I want to paint more, perhaps that will allow me to become more creative in my job. Creative solutions can only help my clients. Being able to think outside the box is important. Seeing the different opportunities to fashion a remedy is a strong suit, and is one that I need to develop. To quote Michael Corleone, "we'll get there, Pop."
On somewhat of a side note, I read some of my old posts today with some reticence. I wanted to see whether they would still strike a chord in me. Does posting my thoughts on different subjects cause me to think more deeply about any particular subject matter. My thoughts are down on paper so to speak, but there is also a disconnect to a certain extent: I don't remember writing them. They still are my feelings on certain subjects, those that are subject oriented of course. The day-to-day mundane observations about what happened in the recent past are a trap as they were me talking about people. Immediately I perceive a problem: I read somewhere (and I remember exactly where) that small people talk about people, big people talk about ideas. It has always been a goal of mine to talk about ideas, as I want to be a bigger and better person. It is a saying like so many others; nevertheless, it happens to be a saying that I have always remembered an d held dear.
So, my promise, dear reader, is to focus more on ideas in general. I may include a smattering of what is going on in my family from time to time, as that will likely be the basis for the core ideal in a round-about way. But my thoughts, which are being laid out here for the sake of posterity, are for my own enhancement-nothing more, nothing less. Being able to focus, concentrate, and sort through a problem is a value that is should not be given short shrift. I am writing to see if it will help me in my struggles as a father, son, and lawyer.
I would bet that the average person cannot concentrate for more than 15 minutes on any given subject. Of course there are exceptions. But the average is of what I am speaking. That is what I am trying to improve for me, myself, and I. My ability to focus on an issue for an extended period of time, probing the possibilities and opportunities, and coming up with an acceptable outcome for those persons I am trying to help. Mayhap that writing will help me do that...
With that, I am done for today.
Ahhh, yes, my thought for the day: just because the monkey's off your back don't mean the circus has left town. Do think about it and its application to a person's life or family. What does it mean to you? Does it mean anything to you? I know what it means to me. Some people will immediately understand from experience. Others, the lucky, smart, or sheltered ones, will never know such pain. Think about it for yourself. To continue on with one of my themes for the day: concentrate on it, and see what you come up with...

dp

P.S. Your comments will be appreciated as intellectual and future fodder for this old bull.

Checks and Balances

Hello, again, readers - however, many or few there are of you. By looking at the comments left on my blog, which is somewhat sporadic I admit, there are none of you. It matters not as these are really personal reflections not intended for the general public at large. I am sure, however, that if it does get out that yours truly wastes the time writing a blog there would be something said as to the lack of masculinity.
We have much going on right now. McK was back and then left again. I hope that some day she comes to understand how important she is to us. I am thoroughly convinced that her friend has poisoned her against us, and that the only way things will change is when she sees that first hand for what it is. I still see her for what she was lo those many moons ago - a happy child who loved to watch Barney and Friends.
TPHP and ALP are doing well. It continues to astonish me the things they say. ALP was stuck on not taking her for "granite." TPHP was awarded Student of the Month at school. Proud, I am.
Due to what I believe is an upswing in my biorhythm, I am once again interested in trying to make what may turn out to be a better me. I have always believed that what we are is God's gift to us, and what we can become is our gift to God. Lately, I have probably been a lump of coal in the gift category, committing some of the more innocent of capital vices - sloth, gluttony, and envy. Lest ye forget, hypocrisy is the payment vice makes to virtue.
Hopefully, things will change. Maybe setting specific goals will help. I don't want to fall into the trap of making a New Year's Resolution, as what I should do now is not best put off until later. I may keep you apprised - probably not - but maybe.
I invite all comments. Maybe if I throw out a thought the comments will come flowing like the salmon of San Juan Capistrano: you win some, you lose some, and some get rained out, but you got to get dressed for them all.
dp